Jack of Hearts

I’ve always thought of myself as a bit of a “jack of all trades.”  I’m one of those people who’s pretty good at a lot of things, but I’ve never just hunkered down and become great at any one thing in particular.  Over the last few months, I’ve added a few more things to my repertoire. 

Joyful face.

I’ve been doing some work for family friends of ours, and I’ve found it incredibly rewarding.  Need your deck sanded and stained?  I’m on it.  Weedwhacking?  Done.  I’ve painted walls, puttied holes – all kinds of things.  And it’s been great.  While I’m usually dirty, sweaty and busy getting things done, I’m also having some really valuable alone time, listening to full albums of bands I like, and remaining active all day long.  

So today, while sprucing up a bathroom I painted to sounds courtesy of Simon & Garfunkel, I fixed a drawer that couldn't stay in its cabinet. I was really impressed with myself, and very thankful my parents had me help with things like that around the house. 

Then, I thought about how awesome it will be to have my own home eventually, because I’ll be capable of doing so much myself.

And then, I thought about how, at this rate, it’ll be a million years before I even have my own home.

And then, I wondered why I hadn’t ever just decided to work really hard at one thing so I’d have been more successful by now.

And THEN I wondered what on earth it is I’m meant to do…

Should I go back to school?  Should I have been a music teacher? Should I have been a professional musician?  Am I supposed to keep working in music venues?  Should I?  Could I?  Etc., blah blah blah?!?!!? 

Insert mental spiral of 3.9 billion thoughts and questions about my place in this world and what I am meant to dooooo… HERE.

Suddenly, in mid tub-scrub, this thought stopped the frantic spiral abruptly:

You were created to love people, be joyful, and make people happy. 

Christmas Present!

After that, I thought about how I had unknowingly allowed my weight to rob me of my joy and my ability to exude love for others.  I'd had moments of it, but I was too trapped in a mess of discontent and self-loathing to be able to let that side of me flourish.  Once again, I found myself dumbfounded and thankful for another unexpected, wonderful change.

I don’t know which of all trades I will be the biggest jack at.  What I do know, in hindsight, is that I adore humans and I love working with people and ensuring smiles are on faces when I’m done with them.  I sincerely hope that I will always be fortunate enough to have music be an integral part of whatever I do, but at least I know what it is I’m meant to do:  love.

A Lesson in Being Thankful.

Thanksgiving is one of my absolute favorite holidays.  It’s kind of like you get all of the fun family time from Christmas, but it’s more relaxed and there’s less expected of us all.  Don’t get me wrong – I adore Christmas.  I’m one of “those people” who totally shrieked driving down the road while station-surfing two days after Halloween when I accidentally ran into Delilah on our local radio station that goes entirely Christmas on November 1^st. 

Yes, Dean Martin – it is cold outside.  And I think I will stay.  Thank youuu, sir. 

But anyway – back to Thanksgiving.  We all hear lots of lovely, warm, fuzzy things encouraging us to be thankful for this, be thankful for that, take a good look at what we do have rather than what we don’t and be appreciative of it…

I’m always a bit like, “Yeahhh, yeah yeah, that’s nice.  That’s cool.  Yay, yippee, fun and I’m thankful and whatnot.”  But this year, I got to thinking: what am I really thankful for?  And when things seem daunting, a little scary, and just really aren’t that good, why should I be?  What if I just don’t want to and am far more in the mood to have little toddler-boohoo-rants like this in my brain?  What have I got to be thankful for? 

Lots of things, dear friends.  Lots of things. 

Something I have incorporated into my life over the last year is being proactive in making decisions, taking actions, and thinking about things without feeling like it.  So on Thanksgiving day, I decided to put aside how I feel about things, and situations, and life in general, and make myself think of what I was thankful for right at that moment.  And here’s what came to mind.

• I’m thankful the flowers I picked out for our Thanksgiving centerpiece looked so nice.
• I’m glad my family is going to enjoy a nice day in my parents’ home with super yummy food, good company, my sweet puppy Kylie, and a fireplace to fall asleep in front of when my belly’s too full for me to stay conscious.
• I’m thankful I still have friends in England who probably wouldn’t mind seeing me if I ever get back there.  I miss Liverpool so, so very badly.
• I’m thankful, EVEN if my weigh-in Monday morning doesn’t go well, that I’ve lost nearly 86 pounds since March.  
• I’m thankful my Dad’s watching football.  I don’t typically follow sports, but lately, I really like hanging out at my parents’ while my Dad watches sports.  
• I’m thankful for Muppets.  
• I’m thankful for a Mom who, time and time again, really does know best.  She is awesome.  She really, really is.  
• I’m thankful my brothers are all doing so well for themselves.  
• I’m thankful that ridiculously cheesy lady Delilah had some soppy one-liner between Andy William’s “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and Wham’s “Last Christmas” reminding me to shut up and stop my whining and think about what I really do have to be thankful for. 

Things are just things.  Places are just places.  People come and go.  Things aren’t always rosey.  I’m sure you are all 368% aware of this, and then some.  But I’m pretty darn sure if we’d all have a little more faith, show a little more love, and be a little more thankful, things at least wouldn’t seem all bad. 

I hope those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving had a good one.  And for those of you who didn’t, well – I’ll think of you while I’m being thankful for leftovers.