Monday, January 2, 2012

Jack of Hearts

I’ve always thought of myself as a bit of a “jack of all trades.”  I’m one of those people who’s pretty good at a lot of things, but I’ve never just hunkered down and become great at any one thing in particular.  Over the last few months, I’ve added a few more things to my repertoire. 

Joyful face.
I’ve been doing some work for family friends of ours, and I’ve found it incredibly rewarding.  Need your deck sanded and stained?  I’m on it.  Weedwhacking?  Done.  I’ve painted walls, puttied holes – all kinds of things.  And it’s been great.  While I’m usually dirty, sweaty and busy getting things done, I’m also having some really valuable alone time, listening to full albums of bands I like, and remaining active all day long.  

So today, while sprucing up a bathroom I painted to sounds courtesy of Simon & Garfunkel, I fixed a drawer that couldn't stay in its cabinet. I was really impressed with myself, and very thankful my parents had me help with things like that around the house. 

Then, I thought about how awesome it will be to have my own home eventually, because I’ll be capable of doing so much myself.

And then, I thought about how, at this rate, it’ll be a million years before I even have my own home.
And then, I wondered why I hadn’t ever just decided to work really hard at one thing so I’d have been more successful by now.
And THEN I wondered what on earth it is I’m meant to do…

Should I go back to school?  Should I have been a music teacher? Should I have been a professional musician?  Am I supposed to keep working in music venues?  Should I?  Could I?  Etc., blah blah blah?!?!!? 

Insert mental spiral of 3.9 billion thoughts and questions about my place in this world and what I am meant to dooooo… HERE.

Suddenly, in mid tub-scrub, this thought stopped the frantic spiral abruptly:

You were created to love people, be joyful, and make people happy. 

Christmas Present!
After that, I thought about how I had unknowingly allowed my weight to rob me of my joy and my ability to exude love for others.  I'd had moments of it, but I was too trapped in a mess of discontent and self-loathing to be able to let that side of me flourish.  Once again, I found myself dumbfounded and thankful for another unexpected, wonderful change.

I don’t know which of all trades I will be the biggest jack at.  What I do know, in hindsight, is that I adore humans and I love working with people and ensuring smiles are on faces when I’m done with them.  I sincerely hope that I will always be fortunate enough to have music be an integral part of whatever I do, but at least I know what it is I’m meant to do:  love.


  1. Awww, this is my favorite post yet!

  2. Great post! And there's so many ways you can show your love for others. Don't let your weight define your're so much more than that!!

  3. You are wonderful Sarah :) maybe you should be writing for a living? x

  4. Thanks, Caity!

    Maggie, you're so very right. Funny how it took the process of ditching the weight to teach me that.

    And Tracey, that would be pretty wonderful! Maybe this here bloggy-do will take off... ;-)

  5. If I could, I'd hug you right now. I saw someone label a video that promoted sacrifice in order to be a "success" because someone had decided they wanted a lot of money. It promoted sacrificing sleeping so you wouldn't miss an opportunity. It said that if you didn't want success as much as you wanted to breathe, then you didn't want it badly enough. I've never heard a more destructive way of living life. All I could do was wonder, after all that sacrifice, all those missed connections, those missed opportunities to love and live, those missed nights sleep - how much shorter and miserable would our lives be? I don't know - I shouldn't be on a soap box. It just felt really good to see someone else who is just like me, finding their footing in life and realizing no matter what it is we do, we always have the chance to love and that's a great thing to get to do.

  6. Sarah, I LOVE this post! Jeff and I have often had conversations about the meaning of life, and when he asks what drives me, I always say that it's because I enjoy being with the people that I love and making them happy.

    For what it's worth, I don't really work in a job that I'd say I LOVE doing, but I'm content with it and it pays the bills. I think that as long as you can find something you are content with, that's all that counts. Who you really are is not defined by what you do for a living!

  7. Your great!!!! Ive added you to my blog roll for others to enjoy!! Looking forward to following your blog!!

  8. Thanks so much! I've gotta get my blogroll going, and I'd be happy to return the sentiment. :)

  9. These questions are my LIFE right now. Should I go back to school? What is my purpose? I am glad that other people think this too.