Thursday, February 9, 2012

Lost 101 Pounds and Found Myself.

I began this journey at, well, I'm not sure what my weight was.   I first recorded my weight in March of 2011, and I was 316.5lbs.  I am thrilled to say that as of Monday, 11 months later, I am at 215.5.  I should be excited, but I just find myself a bit dumbfounded.

What does losing 100lbs feel like? 

Bowling a year ago, over 316.5lbs.
It’s a bit like doing Tae Bo moves without your arm literally smacking you in the face. 
It’s sitting on the floor and not seeing your tummy down to your knees. 
It’s not being worried if bathroom stalls will be wide enough.
It’s not being angry if you have to sit next to someone in a movie theatre.
It’s stretching out my thighs before working out without having to rest against the wall, struggling to bend my knee high enough to grab my foot.
It’s walking up flights of stairs, thinking about my breathing and heart rate, hoping that I could make it and that no one would notice how badly I was struggling.
It feels like going to an amusement park and not being turned away from a roller coaster because I don’t fit.
It feels like not having to work out the logistics for every crowded room, for every seat that might not fit, and all the things you haven’t even thought of yet.
It’s being confused when you see a photo with you in it and you don’t stick out anymore.
It feels like walking down the street to get coffee, seeing a reflection and thinking, “Huh… She’s cute…” and then realizing it’s you. 
It’s realizing how badly you wished you could just be a size 18/20 someday, then realizing that you’re past it. 
It feels like remembering how absolutely hopeless the idea of ever being in the realm of normal health and size seemed. 
It feels like meeting your friends’ children without their first words to you being, “You’re biiiig,” and having to think of some clever, lighthearted response to show what a good sense of humor you have. 
It’s making good choices whether or not you’re inspired to.
Old "skinny" jeans!
It feels like going to Macys on Sunday and daring yourself to put on a size 16 pair of Levis in the regular womens’ department and seeing your ridiculous, giddy reaction in the mirror when they fit.
It’s the realization that you can now go shopping anywhere you want and do the same thing.
It feels like finding out your feet are really a size 8.5 to 9 wide, not a 10 or 11.
It’s finally being able to go shoe shopping and understanding the predicament of trying on 100 you love that FIT, and having to make up your mind.
It’s realizing that someone who caught your eye just looked back.
It’s dancing like a mad woman so long that you should have collapsed by now, but you just keep going.
It’s discovering you have a collarbone. 
It’s seeing the curve of your shoulders into triceps.  And you aren’t even flexing.
It feels like chasing your little cousin around the yard.
It’s jogging for…  Well, it’s jogging.  Period.  Even if it’s only for a minute. 
It’s realizing how many people care about you immensely and have genuinely hoped the best for you before you were able to want the best for yourself.
It feels like the huge sigh of relief from your parents when they realize that they don’t have to worry that they’ll outlive you anymore.
It feels like the hope you didn’t realize you were lacking.
It feels like exuding more joy and energy than you were able to before.
It’s realizing how much really is possible.
It’s realizing that I can do it.  Whatever “it” is. 
It feels like I’m free.
It’s living, people.  It is living. 


I remember very, very well how absolutely impossible this seemed.  My Mom and I went to see the first travelling-sister-yaya-panthood movie (or Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, if you will…).  Every single time there was a scene in Greece, we’d swoon and whisper how much we’d love to go there.  My Mom leaned over to me and said, “When you lose 100lbs, we’ll go there!”  I smiled and said “Okay!” and figured it’d definitely, probably, maybe happen someday.  I’ve known for many years that I needed to do something.  As hopeless as I have been, some part of me knew that it was certain to happen someday.  I just didn’t know when.  Who knows why we’re wired the way we are, but once a switch inside of me is flipped, it is done.  D, O, N, E…  Done.  I don’t know why it took so long for this internal switch to get flipped, but fashionably late is better than never.  The Big Guy Upstairs must’ve known what he was up to, after all.

So, how does one celebrate losing 100lbs?  We’ll get to Greece, eventually.  But for now…

By getting a new pair of workout shoes with a gift certificate to Gazelle Sports from your parents!  Once again, the folks at Gazelle pointed me in the right direction, new shoe size and all. 

By making a new dinner concoction, and being quietly satisfied that 100lbs in, you’re satisfied celebrating with a delicious, healthy meal that I will tell you about tomorrow.

By sitting on my couch trying desperately to write a blog post, puzzled as to why I’m not more excited about it, then being blessed with the realizations above.   

While writing this and looking back on my journey so far, I find myself overcome by this thought:

I think about you, Readers.  I do.  And today in particular, I’m thinking very much about those of you who might be in the same boat as I was, feeling hopeless and facing an impossible battle.  More than anything, I sincerely and earnestly hope that something in this little blog of mine will show you just how deserving and capable you are of making it happen.  I have silly amounts of love for you, and want desperately for you to have your own interesting, difficult, amazing journey to share.  Thank you for being a part of mine!
From top left to bottom right: my skinny jeans size 24, workout pants size XL pants and L tshirt from Old Navy,
size 24 skinny jeans from side, size 28 skirt, current size 18 jeans that are too big, black dress size 22/24 from Lane Bryant.  


Pin It

39 comments:

  1. Way to go and thanks so much for the inspiration! I'm 35 in of the 100 I need to loose! Love your list and photos! Thank you! and CONGRATULATONS~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so very much, and WAY to go on the first 35! Just keep on going, and then keep going a little more, and after that, just keep on going a little longer. Yay. If you're ever having a rough time or just want to someone to share the awesome stuff with, you are more than welcome to get in touch!

      Delete
  2. Congratulations!! You are such an inspiration! You're as beautiful as ever! I'm so happy for you to have accomplished this awesome goal and look forward to sharing in the continuation of your journey! I love you! Whoooooo's a good girl!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just love that I can see your face and hear your voice every time you say that... Iiiiiii'm a good girrrrl. Haha. Thank you so much, Peggy! I love you, too!

      Delete
  3. YAY SARAH! This is such a great post. And it's very timely for me too, as I have been struggling lately. Sometimes it just seems so hard and that I'll never be able to lose these last 15-20 pounds, but I know that it's hard sometimes for everyone and I just need to stick to what I know and it will happen. Thanks and I hope I can see you soon! You need to come to the east side for your spring shopping! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Operation Save-For-Shopping shall commence shortly. I would love to head over with Caity and do some shopping! I know I'm going to hit those rough patches too, April... So I look forward to learning from you about what I can try when I get there. You've already done so awesome. Hope I get to see you soon, too!

      Delete
  4. You are super inspirational! You look beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! And thanks so much for reading!

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Thanks, Nikol! You make me wanna go red! Your style, lady... *sigh* I want to raid your wardrobe like nobody's business. That's something I've neglected a bit on my blog, is photos of my style! It looks like I'm a boring jock, lol. I guess I do spend a lot of time in workout clothes these days, but I've got sweet style - you've put a fire under my bum. Thanks!

      Delete
  6. Oh my goodness.. this one made me tear up. Love you, Sarah, and I'm so proud of you! You are truly an inspiration.

    ...And a hottie.

    Love, L

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love you, too, Dizzy :) Thanks so much. Workout date soon, for sure.

      Delete
  7. I remember you in that skirt! And that dress! And look at you now! I LOVE your realizations...almost made me tear up a little. Congratulations on this great achievement! You're an inspiration. -Mags

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used to love that dress so much... It had that classy, 60's-ness that I love so much. You can't even tell in that photo, though! Thank you very much, Mags. I miss you!

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Thanks, Shara! What's this lower calorie lasagna you did, by the way? I'm so in the mood for it, and thinking about doing an eggplant or zucchini version as noodle substitutes... Would love to hear your recipe.

      Delete
  9. Amazing! I absolutely LOVE reading your blog.... You are so uplifting and inspiring! Xoxo -Cara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading along, Cara! :)

      Delete
  10. you are not only inspiring for losing the weight..it's the way you write that makes me feel so hopeful and positive about my own self..thank you for that..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Debi. The most satisfying thing about this is thinking about how I might make someone else a little happier, a little more hopeful, or a little more empowered through it. I've been toying around with getting a turquoise nail color since I saw your post the other day, by the way. I might have to copy you.

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Looks like Caity's there! Glad you guys figured this out. I've got to figure out how to make it easier on everyone. Thank you very much for reading and all your awesome, positive reinforcement!

      Delete
  12. Thank you so much for sharing. I began to cry as I read your list as I can identify with so many. Thank for your inspiration and enjoy Greece.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for reading, Mena. I'm so touched. Greece will be nice one day, indeed!

      Delete
  13. Wow! What motivation!! My long-term goal is to get down 100lbs, but I am setting goals slowly. I am 8lbs away from my first goal, and have already lost 20lbs since the new year. It is so encouraging to see that other people can do it! This is only my first read, and it speaks so much to me. I can't wait to continue to explore your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  14. You are truly inspiring to me. I was tearing up just reading this. I know this kind of pain. I know what it is like to have these thoughts! Congratulations on what you have accomplished! My journey is far from over. I started the first of the year at 256 lbs. I am currently down 10 lbs. A switch flipped within me also...it's different this time. I have so much determination. My first big goal is to get under the 200 lb. Mark by my 30th birthday in November. Your story gives me more strength and motivation to push forward. I know I can do this! U have a blog on my journey too, if you would like to read it! It's at myroadtowonderland.blogspot.com!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am on myfitnesspal also...I am maof5 on there!

      Delete
  15. Hi! I just wanted to say hi. We haven't really "spoken" that much since LIPA, and we didn't talk much there either, but I just wanted to say that I've read your blog and are truly impressed! Not only by the weight-loss, but by the personality that shines through. And I regret I never told you back that I've always thought you were a beatiful girl, even back then and even if you were big.
    I went back to finish the degree at LIPA, by the way! And a couple of years ago I also lost 40lbs. Then I got pregnant and gained it all again. Am still struggling with the last 12 lbs after having given birth, but with inspiration from you that will be easy. :-)
    Had problems to register any accounts to sign here, but all the best from Elisabeth Hunskaar (Grefsrud when at LIPA). I hope I'll see you again someday.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is fabulous! Congratulations on all of it. You look fantastic and I can't wait to see where else your journey takes you. I lost about 75 lbs and was so excited to fit into a 14/16. Now, I've moved to England and the sizes are smaller here so it's been a bit depressing to see those digits climb right back up. I'm working to get them back down again.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Amazing!! You can and will do it. I love your story. I've lost 75 of the 100 I wanted to lose and you're right--it just feels sooooo awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  18. WOW! What an inspiration you are! Keep up the great work :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm inspired. I found your blog while looking for weight loss inspiration on Pinterest.

    You've got a new follower now. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am truly inspired by you! I've been half heartedly trying for the past year...I want to drop 50 more pounds this year...thank you for reminding me I can do it! You rock!! I love your Blog!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Congratulations on your weigh loss! I am ~52 pounds down in my 100 pound weight loss goal (started at 238, currently 186.5, want to get to 138) and I love reading the blogs of people who have successfully broken the 100 pound mark.


    I just bookmarked this page, can't wait to keep reading!

    ReplyDelete
  22. THANKS, you guys! My biggest hope is that we can all interact and talk about it on here, too. So, thank you very much for taking the time to comment! Great job on your progress so far, Anonymous and ThatOneGirl30! Feels pretty darn good, huh?

    Anonymous, how has it been getting into that weight range? I keep hearing it gets tougher the lower you go... Would love to hear about how somebody who's been there has tackled things.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sarah, I discovered the like to your blog on pinterest and I must say your story is truly inspiring. I am at my heaviest I've been barely under 300 and I feel bigger each and every day. My motivation is slim and it seems like I have no time to eat right and work out. ( typical excuses I know but nevertheless are true ) I just wanna be thin and healthy. How do you do this. I need total help from someone that actually knows what it's like to be heavy! Again. You are very inspiring and I'm do interested in your journey! -----becca

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sarah ~ I've just recently found your blog, and have been cathing up on it. Did you Do anything "special" to lose the weight, ourside of excersing? I imagine you must have changed your diet dramitaclly? I need to lose 100+ as well, and would LOVE some advice! Please!! Kym

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is an absolutely wonderful post! I have 50 more lbs until I reach my goal and I feel like I have hit a plateau. I'm still fighting for it! I'm dropping any food that I think may be hindering me getting over this hump. It's sad, last year at this time I was down to 145, I gained all the weight I had lost back and then some back and started this year trying to get back. I was almost ready to give up, but motivational stories like this keep me going.

    Thank you so much!

    ReplyDelete