Friday, April 20, 2012

Goodbye, 200's!





On a work-out date night with
my friend, Lindsey.
I was prepared for my weigh-in Tuesday morning.  It is a huge time of transition, and I must admit – I lost control the last couple of weeks.  I worked out hard, but I am hugely aggravated that, in a mentally and emotionally difficult time, I allowed myself to be comforted by indulging in food.  Well – and a few pretty magical craft beers.

I actually left the 200’s the week prior, but I didn’t want to commit to it because I knew that I’d messed it up.  I was certain.  So, I braced myself, stood on the scale, and to my complete surprise, I saw these numbers:

197.7

ONE HUNDRED ninety seven point seven pounds…

I’m really not in the 200’s anymore…  My weight really starts with a 1…  Can you even remember the last time you were in the 1’s?  The smallest weight I can remember is 216.  You are really, really for real in the 1’s, Sarah.  You’re really still there.  That sounds…  Normal…

Things are changing; so many things both in and out of my control.  And while there are many different ways these things have manifested, I realized it all boils down to this: 

I am finally okay with being me.

“Why is this a problem?” you ask?  Because more than being content and confident in myself, I have this little voice inside my head telling me to “know my place.” 

“You can’t say you’re pretty, or go for that, or try this, or think great things are possible for you – be humble,” I hear from some cruel, bossy place within me.  That is not humility. That is confusion, doubt, and fear rearing their ugly head. There has been a big, mean battle within me, and I seem to pull no punches.

No more.  I’m done with the 200’s, and I’m done with this battle.

Eat my shorts, 200's.  I kick and I punch.

Here is what has begun to sink in over the last couple of weeks:

I am a beautiful, loveable, smart, confident person who absolutely adores people and life, and has a good head on her shoulders.  I have no reason to doubt myself.  I have no reason to not stick to my guns.  I have no reason to cower.  I have no reason to feel unworthy.  I never used to be this way, I never should have begun, and I am finished with it.  

Moving into the 100’s, I’ve got to tell you – it’s an interesting time.  It’s a little scary.  And sometimes it’s hard.  And sometimes I freak out a little bit because I’m in a transition between who I was for a while, who I am, and who I’m becoming.  

I like who I’m becoming.


From top left to bottom right:  Me at about 320lbs in January 2011, me at over 300lbs in March of 2011, then
me at 60, 70, 80, 90lbs, and 100lbs lost!

If you'd like to catch up on the big milestones since I've started this here blog, feel free to check these out!

Sixty, Shimxty: Another 10lb Benchmark Smashed.
70lbs - Gone To The Fishes.
81lbs Get The Boot.
30's, Here I Come: Gained a year, and lost 90lbs.
Lost 101 Pounds and Found Myself.



Readers, have you already gone through some of these changes or find yourself in an interesting time of transition, yourself?  I would really love to hear from you.  How are you doing?  How did you get through it?  What advice can you give the rest of us, or what advice do you need from others?  There’s a pretty great group of you out there with invaluable life experience, so let’s share.

22 comments:

  1. I am so inspired by your blog. I too am over 200 lbs and can't even remember being in the 1's. I've joined weight watchers and I am trying to start this journey. It's so hard b/c I deal with so much stress on a daily basis and I use food for comfort and stress relief. I don't know anyone at all in my area, so I'm finding it difficult to find someone to work out with. I have a phobia of gyms and feel like I need to lose weight to go there. I'd love some suggestions from you as to what you've found that works best for you. Thanks.

    Inspired,
    Stephanie H.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Stephanie! My roommate does weight watchers - it's GREAT! Their new points system is really cool. We eat really similarly, actually. I've gotta admit, I actually had a really hard time working out with people because I get so focused on how/why/what I want to do. So, I made myself and it's great. You can do it, though! I found the gym pretty daunting at first, working out with people around I don't know... Just do it, though. The stuff that happens just because you decide to do it whether you feel like it or not is amazing. And I like the fact that, while I may be intimidated at times, the people I see there who are already ripped see me there all the time and I'm on the same path. Go for walks! Just Dance for Wii... Download cheap videos off of Exercise TV (they go on sale alllll the time and I'd be happy to share some of my faves). There are COUNTLESS, fantastic youtube workout instructors - and that's all free. And you can do it from the comfort of home. Just do a little something, regularly! And as for food - find alternatives. A huge part of the weight loss process is getting to the root of my issues, whether I meant to or not. In time, maybe you'll learn enough about yourself and grow to where food isn't that role for you. In the meantime, find yourself good alternatives. Best advice I've got? Just make boring, calculated choices and do it! The return both physically and mentally is inconceivable.

      Delete
  2. You look amazing!! I hope to get back in the 100's soon.. 18 pounds to go, and it's so hard sometimes. I feel like I started losing weight so regularly, that I got complacent and kept thinking I could eat not so great and still lose, which obviously wasn't the case. Anyway, you're inspiring, and gorgeous. Congratulations!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know how that goes - I fell victim to that the week after this! A bit of false security and didn't lose. Way to go on 18 to go, and thank you, Heidi!

      Delete
  3. Many congratulations. I have found a strange mental transition with the whole weight loss. I look in the mirror and still see scruffy fat me from my barfly days. Nothing special and plain. Then I see I picture of me now and think, who's that with cheekbones and an ass that doesn't block the doorway. It shocks me and I can't catchup in my head. I had a fallback recently, both due to me not believing in myself, but also contentment of setting up home with my man (who I met at my highest weight!). A funny combination. I am back on track now. 31 pounds left to lose. And I tell myself everyday, I deserve and am allowed to look good and be proud. You keep your head held high, truly inspirational!xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going through that now, Sarah! It's so bizarre. You've always been a fox, but I know as many times as other people may have good things to say about, it just doesn't sink in until we somehow have one of those moments when we see it ourselves. Seeing you start tackling this certainly put a little pep in my step. It just took me a while to follow your lead. :)

      Delete
  4. I have to comment here. I am so proud of you even though I don't personally know you! My highest weight (to my knowledge as I stopped getting on the scale at one point) was 287 lbs. Right now I'm at 250 lbs. It's crazy because I don't remember building up to that. It just seemed that one day, I was just THERE. Even though I know that obviously isn't the case, it does mess with your head. I was a totally different person then than I am now and I'm sure I'll be a totally different person when I reach my goal of 180. And LadyBug who posted before me, I felt the same way about going to the gym the first time. I was soooo intimidated and felt like I was intruding on THEIR space. I had to change my mind set which for me was: these people can see me at McDonald's and think to themselves "ugh, fat chick getting fatter" or see me at the gym and think "wow, that fat chick is kicking ass!" Now I march into that gym like I am the one who owns it because I KNOW I'm changing my life every time I walk in the door. I had to change my perspective on eating junk food too. I used to feel like I was missing out on the foods I loved (mac n cheese, ice cream, pizza, cake) but now, for me, saying "no thanks" feels like a power trip OVER MY FOOD. Now I'm in charge and I CAN say "no" to anything I want. It's no longer a force that rules me. This is a crazy hard journey, definitely not a walk in the park but worth every second. Sarah has proved that for all of us in her success and in her honesty. Sometimes it ISN'T pretty but you're totally worth it. I hope this isn't out of line, but I started to document my journey on a blog too. It really is therapeutic and might help you if you're struggling. My last post was an emotional one for me http://www.losethe2s.com/2012/04/13/fighting-for-my-life/ Like Sarah, who I admire beyond words, I hope that my struggle can help someone else. Good luck to all and continued success and joy to you Sarah!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're awesome. And I really enjoyed your blog. I'm right there with you. Weird how our anxiety and doubt can be our biggest obstacles sometimes, but nice to know you completely get it. We can totally do this.

      Delete
  5. Wow congrats! That's a big difference, keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love your blog, and following your success, we share similar views, and similar weight milestones. Like you the lowest weight I can remember is 217. My long term goal right now is to get back to that number. I'm about another 40 pounds away. But NOW I see you leave the 2's and wonder, maybe I can do that too! You are truely inspiring!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You absoluuuutely can. It's so weird - those goals and benchmarks seem so far off, but once you get there, it's just kind of like, "Well... Hmm. I did it. Onto the next!" Just keep it up. Thanks, CJ :)

      Delete
  7. Hey Nice Blog Saraha.
    If you want more tips on weight loss you can refer this site http://www.eweightlossideas.com/ This will definitely help you

    ReplyDelete
  8. Replies
    1. Thank you! Those dressings and sauces you tried out look and sound great... How do you get involved with those giveaways and whatnot? That's neat!

      Delete
  9. You look beautiful. Totally inspirational!! I can't wait to see one's again for myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, you lovely, anonymous person!

      Delete
  10. This is so cool Sarah. Congrats on yet another massive milestone. Very inspirational and I desperately need inspiration right now. Do you ever still struggle with making yourself get up and working out? I've thoroughly fallen down on the working out and I landed straight in a pile of sugary treats and what's worse, I can't seem to find my way back! Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Y'know what's weird... I really don't have a hard time making myself workout. I crave it, and I get just plain grumpy if I don't get to. I actually made myself not workout one day last week just to force myself to have to GET OVER IT if I don't get to do what I planned on. I do struggle with making myself get up and do it in the morning, though... That's next on my agenda.

      Best advice? I say this a lot, and I know it's super boring, but:

      Just make yourself do it. Days when I don't feel like it, whether because I feel crappy or am in a bad mood, I just force myself to. And those are the days when I end up feeling extra amazing after I do. And even if you don't feel amazing afterwards, you did it. Your mood and your body will feel so much better when you're done. I've found that the best antidote to everything you've said is just making a boring, conscious decision to do/not do/etc, and then the cool stuff (physically, mentally, etc.) happens later. It's so easy to form habits. Just choose to get hooked on the good ones! It seems easier said than done, but if you just do it, it'll be as easy to get hooked on a half hour workout as it is the other! BUT, be sure to treat yourself every now and then :) I'm totally going to get a 150 calorie reduced fat frozen yogurt cone at McDonald's today!

      Delete
    2. lol very cool. thank you. I've managed to say "no" to the sweets all day so far. Apparently, I've developed a pattern of eating them after every meal. Little mini desserts. Nothing extravagant but certainly not necessary. I hope you enjoyed your yogurt cone from McDonalds!

      Delete
  11. I followed someone's Pin to your blog and wanted to congratulate you. Losing that much weight is not only proof of your incredible will, but also of your courage. It takes a great deal of courage to make that commitment and follow through - and even more to make your journey public.

    I wish you all the success in the world - I have no doubt you will achieve your goals.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Making this journey public has been more beneficial to me than I could've imagined. I started blogging about it in hopes that others might see that they're absolutely capable of the same. It ended up making me more free and open with the realities of the process, too. Thank you so much!

      Delete