I'm Dreaming of an Embroidered Denim Christmas

...Just like the vests I used to know.

Last year, my roommate and I donned bad Christmas vests and created an album called "Christmas Vesticles." This year, we opted for a classier, more put together look with embroidered denim Christmas shirts and turtlenecks in our latest collection, "Oh, Holy... Night..."

Enjoy these before & afters bad-Christmas style, and laugh to your heart's content.  The old ones are just so much funnier with all my extra fluff!  My, what a difference a year makes!

Here's to happy holidays, and me wishing your Christmas was as wonderfully awkward as this.

Older = Bolder

I may be less than half this woman's age, but I still find the first thing she says to be more and more true, lately.  The older I get, the more comfortable with I become with my style, and fashion becomes a little less apologetic.

If you haven't already gotten wind of the blog Advanced Style, it is about time you did.  For years, the author Ari Seth Cohen has been celebrating our elders' fashion in picture.  This is a clip of him speaking to Rita Hammer about her style.

If my tendency to want to raid my mother's closet is a sign of what's to come for me, I'm in good shape.  Here's to freedom with your style, and I sincerely hope I'm half as fantastic as these women when I get to be their age.

30’s, Here I Come: Gained a year, and lost 90lbs.

This has been a big year.  It hasn’t been all roses, but the cumulative average of greatness this year is pretty darn high.  I set myself a goal on September 19^th of losing 30 more pounds by the time I turned 30 on December 19^th, which would bring me to a total of 90lbs lost since March. I’m delighted to tell you that I have, in fact, lost 93. 

A dream in size large.  I love this dress!

I really couldn’t decide what I wanted to do for my 30^th birthday.  Apparently, even facebook advertising knew this and kept suggesting I go to Vegas with a bunch of poorly dressed women.  The only things I knew for certain were that I wanted an outfit that made me feel invincibly gorgeous, and to have fun.  And to DJ.

And that I did.

Thanksgiving weekend, my Mom and I stopped in to a boutique during Small Business Saturday and I saw a dress that was just so remarkable I had to try it on.  It was a “normal people” size large.  I really didn’t think it would, but for some reason it fit amazing.  It fit so amazingly that my Mom texted all of “the girls” to show them how neat I looked in the dress.  As much as I loved the dress, it was definitely out of my price range.  I’m not one to pine very much over things I can’t afford, so I decided to enjoy the fact that a gorgeous dress in a regular store had fit me like a dream.

Last week, my Aunt and Cousin came to visit, and some of the closest and most important ladies in my life and I went to dinner, then to see Irving Berlin’s White Christmas.  At dinner, my Mom handed me a lovely gift bag that was really reminiscent of “the” dress, and I thought it was really nice that she’d gotten a bag that reminded us of that dress. 

Yeah. 

I moved the tissue paper to the side, had the most ridiculous, excited, America’s funniest home videos face, and there was the dress.  I cried.  I was honestly stunned.  They’d all chipped in and bought me the dress. 

Saturday was a lovely day.  I slept in, worked out, then was lucky enough to have my friend (and hairdresser) Erika style my hair.  I donned my gorgeous, new frock and headed out for dinner and music with a bunch of my favorite people.  I danced the night away at my favorite dance party, and even DJed for the first time in seven years – a shamefully long time.  It was a fantastic night, and I genuinely felt the most awesome I have in so long that I can’t remember.  I looked and felt fantastic.

T. Rex, Iggy Pop, Beatles, Jimi...  Happy Birthday to me.

A part of me dreaded turning 30.  In your 20’s, it’s so easy to think of all the ways you’ll have failed at life if you haven’t succeeded before they’re over.  I mean, life is practically over at 30.  So if you haven’t made something of yourself by then, you’re doomed.  Really.  Completely and utterly doomed.

I was sorely, wonderfully mistaken. 

My twenties were a time where I found my worth and my confidence in what I did, and when what I did wasn’t very cool anymore, I lost myself.  My 29^th year was a time of preparation for what was to come.  While I may not have made a lot of tangible, visible, or measurable progress, my mind was going through a lot of things that gave way to the amazing changes this year brought.  I’ve been working on taking control of the things that I can and should control, and forcing myself to remember to have a little faith about the things that I just can’t control. 

I am in love.  Not with anyone or anything in particular, but with life and people and everything that could and will happen.  Things seem to really be coming together.  I keep having this feeling that something is just ‘round the corner, but I don’t know what.  Or why…  Or when, even.  I just know that I’m ready for it.

I have a feeling my 30’s are going to be mighty fine.

Owning 30.

Turning 28, dreading 29...

Turning 29, appalled at accomplishing so little at nearly 30...

This is how we do it. Part 2 - Log your food!

I'm a bit disappointed with my lack of creativity for the title of this "episode," if you will.  It is a very important episode, nonetheless!

I am convinced that it is not possible to conquer the formidable beast that is weight-loss until you've been very, very honest with yourself about your real eating habits.  They may not seem terrible, but you will be amazed at how quickly things add up, and how it causes you to reevaluate how and why you do things.

MyFitnessPal's smartphone app.

I started using MyFitnessPal's website and smart phone app on my iPod Touch about a year and a half ago as an occasional calorie calculator, but started using it as my food journal this March.  Maybe you're more constantly aware of what you're eating than I was, but starting to take stock of every little thing you consume during the day is interesting.  And sometimes disconcerting...  And sometimes challenging...  One thing it most definitely is, is enlightening.

There are lots of options out there for food journaling.  I've tried several, and have really found MyFitnessPal to be the best.  Not only can you track your calories, but you can keep regular track of your exercise, weight, measurements, and see instant progress reports.  The smartphone app is a particularly helpful tool when you're on the go, making it a little less stressful when you're out of your element at a friend's for dinner, out to eat, and so on.  It automatically syncs with whatever you do on the website, as well.  I use both the app and the website daily.  There are also these newfangled gadgets like pens and paper...  Whatever your preferred medium, keeping daily track of what you consume is essential.

Each day, I go online and I see my calorie goals, as well as a breakdown of carbs, protein, fat, sodium, and fiber.  These are just guidelines, and you can very easily change them manually if you want.  I go with what's suggested, and so far, so good.  I usually allow for more protein and a bit less carbs.  I am not an uber-advocate of low-carb eating, I just know how my body responds to things.

I'm fortunate that I already had a pretty good understanding of what's good for me and what isn't, so I look at my daily calorie allotment and figure out how I can maximize it.  If I've got 1500 calories I can consume today, I could eat a few things that aren't as good for me, or I could figure out a way to eat better food and snacks more often.

Which brings me back to the whole enlightening thing...

Logging my food has made me far more aware of what's going in, and inevitably causes me to rethink some of my choices.  Things start to add up really, really quickly.  It has also made me very aware of portion sizes.  There were many times where I'd measure something out and think, "That's IT?!"  Well, that leaves you with a few choices.  You can either work with it, find an alternative, or eliminate it altogether.

Goat cheese!

For example, I love goat cheese. A lot.  At first, a portion of it seemed like nothing.  However, 1oz of goat cheese really does go a long way.  Long enough to put it on 11 pretzel crisps for a very delicious 190 calorie appetizer or snack.  Are there other snacks with fewer calories?  Oh, yeah.  Of course.  But I want goat cheese.

So, step one to changing your relationship with food?  Start getting to know it by keeping track of it.  It has been the catalyst for all of the other amazing growth I've had in learning how to be in control and truly enjoy food more than I ever have before.

A Firming Affirmation.

Lovely Generic Photo of Snap Fitness

I met someone on Thursday night.  It was all niceties and happy conversation at first, then I let them start bossing me around.  And it hurts a bit.

Yes, I had my first go-round with a personal trainer.  She set me up with a workout plan at the new Snap Fitness that popped up near where I live.

It.
Was...
AWESOME.

It kicked off with us having a chat about my regular workout habits, and discussing what I wanted to get out of it.  The girl who I worked with seemed to really, genuinely love doing this.  I can't remember verbatim, but when I told her how excited I was to get to do all this, she said how great it is to get to work with people who have that mindset.

She started asking me about my exercise habits and what I'd like to get out of the workout we came up with.  I told her I wanted to burn calories, get stronger, and that I'd noticed that I lost weight more when I was doing things that worked my muscles, too.  She seemed really pleased with my answer, and very happy that I understood that I needed more than cardio.  She said that it was great to have an understanding that working muscles was essential to making your body burn calories more efficiently all throughout the day.  I told her certain areas that I wanted to work on, and she happily said, "I've got you covered."   I really love how it became very apparent she'd realized the type of workouter (made up word, yes) I was by my answers to her questions.

Apparently, I'm quite strong, and she seemed happy about that, too.  She seemed very excited to have me try out some five station circuit training thing that she does on what I call "the jungle gym."  You know the thing I mean...  It's got the handles on ropes, and a pull up thingy, and dudes are always doing stuff at it grunting awkwardly loud...  I'll be on that, yep.  And, she's going to have me bench press.  Bench press!  Ha!

As for the workout, though, I basically warmed up with a bit of cardio, then she walked me through different machines that worked my arms, back, core, thighs, and glutes.  The plan is to warm up, work muscles, then get 30-50 minutes of cardio in.  It was really well-rounded, and it was very interesting to see what parts of my body are weaker than others.  It's so funny how muscles in what seems to be the same part of your body have such different strength.

Afterwards, I was a bit surprised that one of the most rewarding things about the experience was all of the affirmation I got about what I'd already been doing and my overall mindset and ideas about things.  It feels really good when someone who knows what they're doing confirms that you're on the right track.  She loved that I was the type to say, "I've just got to get in 30 minutes" but wind up doing 45.  She seemed pleased that I did the full 10 minutes of cardio when she said to warm up with 5-10.  There were quite a few things that I did during the workout that seemed to really impress her, and got her excited to find ways to push me later.  Which, of course, makes me want to push myself even more.

So, I did on Saturday morning.  My muscles were still pretty fatigued from Thursday, but I just had to get it in.  There were a few things that already seemed easier.  I was more sore while doing the exercises, but I feel less sore now than I did before I worked out.  How about that?  And it felt good, once again, to get some nice reactions from the trainer.

I have this problem with not listening to myself enough.  I hear so many different people's stories, ideas, opinions, tips, tricks, and suggestions.  And for some reason, I feel that if I don't do it, I'm somehow being ungracious or rude, even if it's something contrary to what I think or would like to do.  So it feels really, really great to get affirmation from people who are trained in things like fitness and healthy eating.  I need to listen to myself, and not be so darn afraid to stick to my guns.

And I need to work on my shoulders...  Those girls are weak.  For real.

I'm so giddy to go back again.  I can not wait.

A Lesson in Being Thankful.

Thanksgiving is one of my absolute favorite holidays.  It’s kind of like you get all of the fun family time from Christmas, but it’s more relaxed and there’s less expected of us all.  Don’t get me wrong – I adore Christmas.  I’m one of “those people” who totally shrieked driving down the road while station-surfing two days after Halloween when I accidentally ran into Delilah on our local radio station that goes entirely Christmas on November 1^st. 

Yes, Dean Martin – it is cold outside.  And I think I will stay.  Thank youuu, sir. 

But anyway – back to Thanksgiving.  We all hear lots of lovely, warm, fuzzy things encouraging us to be thankful for this, be thankful for that, take a good look at what we do have rather than what we don’t and be appreciative of it…

I’m always a bit like, “Yeahhh, yeah yeah, that’s nice.  That’s cool.  Yay, yippee, fun and I’m thankful and whatnot.”  But this year, I got to thinking: what am I really thankful for?  And when things seem daunting, a little scary, and just really aren’t that good, why should I be?  What if I just don’t want to and am far more in the mood to have little toddler-boohoo-rants like this in my brain?  What have I got to be thankful for? 

Lots of things, dear friends.  Lots of things. 

Something I have incorporated into my life over the last year is being proactive in making decisions, taking actions, and thinking about things without feeling like it.  So on Thanksgiving day, I decided to put aside how I feel about things, and situations, and life in general, and make myself think of what I was thankful for right at that moment.  And here’s what came to mind.

• I’m thankful the flowers I picked out for our Thanksgiving centerpiece looked so nice.
• I’m glad my family is going to enjoy a nice day in my parents’ home with super yummy food, good company, my sweet puppy Kylie, and a fireplace to fall asleep in front of when my belly’s too full for me to stay conscious.
• I’m thankful I still have friends in England who probably wouldn’t mind seeing me if I ever get back there.  I miss Liverpool so, so very badly.
• I’m thankful, EVEN if my weigh-in Monday morning doesn’t go well, that I’ve lost nearly 86 pounds since March.  
• I’m thankful my Dad’s watching football.  I don’t typically follow sports, but lately, I really like hanging out at my parents’ while my Dad watches sports.  
• I’m thankful for Muppets.  
• I’m thankful for a Mom who, time and time again, really does know best.  She is awesome.  She really, really is.  
• I’m thankful my brothers are all doing so well for themselves.  
• I’m thankful that ridiculously cheesy lady Delilah had some soppy one-liner between Andy William’s “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and Wham’s “Last Christmas” reminding me to shut up and stop my whining and think about what I really do have to be thankful for. 

Things are just things.  Places are just places.  People come and go.  Things aren’t always rosey.  I’m sure you are all 368% aware of this, and then some.  But I’m pretty darn sure if we’d all have a little more faith, show a little more love, and be a little more thankful, things at least wouldn’t seem all bad. 

I hope those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving had a good one.  And for those of you who didn’t, well – I’ll think of you while I’m being thankful for leftovers.

Turkey Day Preparation...

I am excited!  I love Thanksgiving.  I've been given the duty of picking out some pretty flowers for my family's centerpiece, which is wonderful because I love getting my Mom flowers.  I've also got a self-imposed last-minute duty of attempting a light, yummy, Thanksgivingy dish.  I am a prolific procrastinator, so I will be braving the aisles of some alarmingly busy grocery store this evening to buy ingredients to prepare...  Something.  The Mom suggested a salad, so I'm thinking about a fall salad with mixed greens, flaked smoked salmon, apples, dried cranberries, some good cheese and maybe some nuts.  We'll see.

I thought about getting a spice cake mix and mixing it with soda and pumpkin pie mix, but I have no idea how it'd turn out.  It just sounds good...  Maybe I'll go all experimental on everybody.  We'll see.  I think I'm going to save all of my dessert experimentation for Christmas!

In preparation for my day of mild food extravagance, though, I've decided to work out first thing in the morning.  This is partly because I need to in general, and partly because I want to burn off a bit of what I'll be eating later!  I can't eat as much as I used to, so I've come up with a bit of a game plan.

I'm going to grab about a soup-spoonful of all the things I'd like to eat.  I figure, if I get a wee bit of it all, I'll be stuffed, not having gone over the top, but also getting to taste it all!  That way I won't feel like tiny, orange men are about roll me away, but will be mighty content.

Byyy the way...

If you're a record fiend like I am, be SURE to visit your local record shops this Friday for Black Friday!  So many albums are being released - both new, and reissued classics, and I'm sure there will be some great sales around here on used stuff.  I can't wait.  AND!  Make sure to support local business on Small Business Saturday!  I'll partake in the madness at all the big stores, too, I'm sure.

I hope you all have a tremendous Thanksgiving!

If the shoe fits...

I really should start a regular posting called "I told you so:  Mother knows best."

When I decided to lose weight and exercise regularly, my Mom told me that I should go to my local athletic shoe shop down the street from where I work, fork out the dough, and get a really good pair of shoes to work out in.  I was reluctant because I'm an intermittent tightwad (I have a tendency to grossly overthink "important" purchases).

Well, she told me so.  I went to Gazelle Sports in Kalamazoo, Michigan and let them work their magic. I did check some out online that I wanted to see, but I decided ultimately to not look at any price tags, be open-minded about how the shoes looked (I always opt for vanity over practicality), and let the good people at Gazelle guide me.  They asked what I was looking for, watched me walk, asked what size I needed, and brought me out options.  I tried on a fair few pairs of shoes, and ended up trying on one that just felt like heaven.  I had no idea that shoes were supposed to be a bit loose, and that your arches are actually located directly below your ankle bones - not in the middle of your feet like I'd assumed.  I've been so used to "making it work."

I ended up spending $125 of my tax return on these babies, but it was worth every penny.  They're still in good shape, but I might get some insoles to perk up the soles of my feet again.  I can't believe the difference they made.  I took the dog on a three mile walk a few days after I got them, and my arches burned for a little bit, but then it made everything better.  My back wasn't as sore, my feet didn't get tired and cramp up or fall asleep, and it was great.

Honestly - investing in a really good pair of properly fitting workout shoes is one of the best things I could have done.  And, really - what better to invest in than making sure I have good tools to get healthy?

My advice...  Find a place in your area that knows what they're doing, and take the plunge.  It might seem crazy spending that much on a pair of tennis shoes, but it will be worth it!

This is how we do it. Part 1 - Get off your bum.

Yeah, that's an awful song and it's stuck in your head now, too.

Chunk doesn't like the idea of diets, either.

Thanks to a lovely person who commented on my last post, I realized I have never really told you guys about my struggles with losing weight my whole life, and what has helped me finally conquer this beast.

Well, one thing I can tell you that I know for certain from this process:  there are no quick fixes.  Gimmicks and crash diets will not last, and if we aren't willing to change our lifestyle, our lives simply will not change.

I really don't think of what I'm doing as a diet, but a bit more like taking a red pen and giving things a good edit.  I could very easily continue my current lifestyle for the rest of time, and I would be perfectly content.  I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough!  Balance is key!

So, how have I done it?  What are my tricks, tools, and a few of my favorite things? There is no way I could possibly fit it all into one blog (I'm not exactly known for my brevity in the talking department...).  The things that have made the biggest difference for me, though, are:

Staying active.
Logging what I eat and developing a more interesting, aware, balanced relationship with food.
Making good, calculated, conscious decisions knowing that the "feely" part will happen later.

We'll get to all three of those, but today one in particular is on the brain.

Getting off my duff.  Purposefully, and regularly.
I was active for most of my life.  College came, and I gained some fluff.  From being on my duff.  Oh, all this rhyming is making me a bit nauseous.  But, anyway.  After losing weight from dancing, walking everywhere, and spending all of my money on records rather than food, I moved home from England and got a desk job.
Depression from lack of England + desk job = chub.

If it's within your means, go see a doctor and get a trainer!  I love to push myself, but if I do things like squats and lunges more than a couple of times a week, it leaves me in great pain and I've got to take it easy for a couple of days.  There are a few things I'd really like to ask a Doctor about and get checked out.  Thanks to an amazing deal on Groupon, though, I will have a trainer to get tips from soon!  I'll always find it satisfying, though, getting past that point where you think you're done, only to feel like you could go all day.  And I love feeling sore the next day!

Exercise has absolutely helped bring me back to life.  I'm fitter, stronger and in better shape, but the difference it's made in my overall countenance is outstanding.  If you think starting to exercise sounds laborious and daunting, just wait to see the ogre in you that pops out when you've not done it in a few days.  Even if you only do it three or four times a week for about a half hour, you're still doing it!

I typically work out five or six times a week, even if I only have time for 20-30 minutes, but I really like to get a few in a week that are at least 45 minutes to an hour.  I do a whole assortment of things - walking, jogging, using my parents' elliptical machine, Tae Bo, pilates videos I've downloaded from Fit TV, or playing EA Active and Just Dance games on the Nintendo Wii.  If you've got OnDemand, there are dozens and dozens of workouts available!  Take the kids or your dogs on a walk.  Have "workout dates" with friends.  I like to do things alone most of the time; I push myself harder.  I do a lot of thinking when I work out.  Figure out what works for you, and do it.

I used to be the queen of absurd, self-imposed time constraints and excuses for not making it happen.  It's a bunch of nonsense!  Don't make excuses.  Adapt!  Change!  I didn't think I could.  Turns out I was wrong.  But, if you're anything like me, no amount of hearing it from others will make you do it.  Something had to give, and then I just got on with it.  It's such a cliché, but I wholeheartedly believe this...  If I can do it, so can you.

Today, I ended up taking some adorable puppies on two walks and spending an hour on the elliptical machine.  I feel GOOD.

What works for you guys?  What challenges or frustrations seem to be popping up?  Share!

81 Pounds Get The Boot.

81 pounds!  HA!  

Good God, y’all.  What is it good for?  Aaaaabsolutely –

Well, it’s good for a reason to treat yourself to a sweet new jacket and some rockin’ ankle boots.  That’s what.   I weighed myself this morning and was thrilled to see that I’d lost 5.3 pounds and had moved into the 80’s.  1981, if you will - the year I was born.  There's got to be some double-rainbow-mind-bending significance to that...  

Or not.  

These last couple weeks have been interesting.  I don’t know why, but my body has changed a lot over the last couple of weeks, and it’s been really, really strange for me to try and wrap my mind around some of the things this has stirred up.  The more weight I lose, I am constantly surprised by the ways it affects me, both physically and mentally.  The mind grows, the body gets...  Ehhhhhh, weirder, apparently.  It would seem my body is getting better in some ways, and just plain odd in others.  We'll discuss the weirdness later this week.  It’s not all roses lately, so I've had to keep reminding myself that this is a very good thing.  

We've got a lot to talk about.

But for now, you might be wondering, "Well, Sarah, last time you had sushi to celebrate hitting 70 pounds.  How about this time?!"  

I did have salmon again, but the real celebration came in the form of suede, pleather, and a pleasing view of myself in the mirror.  My feet have finally decided to take part in this whole weight loss thing!  Some ladies are blessed and have lovely little feet and ankles, despite the rest of them not being quite so little.  Not I!

But, that has changed, and I have a rockin' pair of ankle boots to prove it.  I may or may not have also purchased a new pleather jacket at TJ Maxx.  (That, of course, means yes - yes, I did.)  Not only are my new ankle boots just plain awesome, they also happen to be deceptively comfortable.  Huzzah!!!

In honor of having lost 81 pounds, here are some photos of me basking in a brazen, wonderfully vain moment hearing Thin Lizzy's "Jailbreak" in my mind while checking myself out in my new goodies.  

Pleather jacket - can't find brand!  TJ Maxx - $29.99

Zigisoho black ankle boot wedges - $40 at DSW

Holiday Test-Drive - Fail.

"That time of year..." has begun with Halloween.  The holidays bring along so many lovely little anomalies, lots of last-minute-fun-things, and - well, yes...  Basically a great big barrel of really fun inconsistencies.  Inconsistencies that apparently aided in me gaining 1lb this week. I've shared my successes with you, so it'd be remiss of me not to share in my stumbles as well.  I haven't been awful this week, but I haven't been as diligent as I should.  And I can tell I consumed too much sodium yesterday (puffy hands & feet...), but I'm not giving myself a pass.  It's funny though, because I feel smaller, and seem to look smaller as well.  All's I know is that it is not a case of a plateau, it is a case of "Sort it OUT, Sarah!"

I was really hoping that all of the dancing on Halloween would do the trick!  Some of my girlfriends and I dressed up and went to my favorite dance party around here done by my favorite local DJ's, Bat Guano and Richard Bowser. Our adorable little group consisted of Wonder Woman (me...), Twister (she made a dress out of the game!), Brigitte Bardot, a Hot Mummy, and the Infamous Honey Badger.  And we danced - BOY, did we dance.  ELO, David Bowie, Devo, Michael Jackson, Arthur Brown's Fire, great old school R&B - it is impossible to have a bad time with those guys at the wheel.

My hair was so much better approximately 2 hours earlier...  My
Wonder Woman costume was awesome.  Photos will surface soon.

I've got to figure out how to get a good balance of all of this, because this last week was not my most successful!  I was very busy.  I tried to work out, but I only did "proper" workouts about three times and did not log my food as dutifully as I usually do.  In retrospect, I have not logged my food as well as I should for a few weeks.

A few things I've noticed since beginning this process:

1.  I cannot lose weight without regularly exercising at least 4 times a week.  

2.  I have to log every little thing I consume.

3.  I do better when I plan for my grab & go lifestyle by having pre-made foods, snacks, etc. around the house that allow me to eat a little bit several times during the day.  

4.  I have had several times where I've maintained, but only two when I've gained, and the reason for this has never been my body playing tricks on me despite my hard work; it has always been a case of user error.  So far.

So if Halloween were to have served as my pre-test for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, it taught me that I need to have a game plan.  I need to come up with a structure for the unstructured - decide how I'm going to attack all the unforeseeable wonderfulness that will undoubtedly come my way in the coming months!  And I need to remind myself that it is perfectly acceptable to just say no.

The Wonder Woman in me is on a mission to lose four pounds this week to make up for gaining a pound, and then some! Wish me luck, and I hope you all had a very fun Halloween.

The "D" Word.

Yeah.  The “D” word.  Go ahead – guess which one it is.

Dresses?  Dorky?  Does she mean a swear word?  No, dumby…  Oh -that’s a D-word, too…

Dating.  I hate that word.  When I think of dating, I think of some awkward, lame thing you do for an evening with some person you’ve barely just met, and a bunch of annoying, stupid things and whatnot.  Do I sound like a bratty little teenager?  WELL – you don’t  date anyone properly for, like, 7 years and we’ll see how far you regress.  I haven’t been interested in anyone in a very, very, very long time.  It’s partly because I just haven’t, but I’m also pretty sure it’s because I’ve been pulling an ostrich, too. 

The idea of "dating" makes me about as comfortable as this video's business-man-by-day-wild-man-by-night, Maurice, and scrawny-wouldn't-have-made-it-as-a-viking Fred.  For lots of reasons.

Before you lose weight, it’s very easy to think, “Gee, golly – when I lose weight, I’ll be one pretty desirable hepcat!  It’ll be so much easier then!  Everything will just magically work out because I’m thinner – HOORAY!”

Well, I very well may be one desirable hepcat.  But this is another side of me I've kept safely hidden behind my steadily deteriorating wall of flubber.  Like many other things I've talked with you guys about, getting back in touch with it causes more of that annoying but liberating self-realization/growth nonsense.  I really am a pro at keeping things away that might hurt my heart.

I’ve never been one of those girls who embraced their size.  There are plenty of beautiful, strong, fantastic women who have.  I have never been comfortable with my physical body.  I’ve always known how to dress well – hide the funny bits and flatter the good ones…  I’ve never been shy, and I’ve always liked the things that are intrinsically me.  At times, I've thought that my personality and "coolness" were great enough to help people overlook my physical shortcomings, but I don't think I've ever really felt that it's possible for me to find love without fixing my exterior. 

Actually, what I really thought was that there was no way I would be able to meet someone great. I would either have to be single, or put up with someone gross enough to settle for me.  So, I’d rather be alone. 

Do I feel this way about people other people?  No.  Do we all say horrible, awful things to ourselves that we would never say to another person?  Abso-freaking-lutely.  The thought of someone saying things like that to a person I care about gives me the instant urge to cause them physical pain.  A couple of times.  But, somehow, it is always perfectly acceptable when trying to fairly, realistically analyze myself. 

So, I suppose I was right.  My exterior did have to change, but not for the destructive reasons I'd convinced myself of, and not to make me worthy of love.  Things at my core had to be shaken, rearranged, and sorted out so that I could be capable of accepting love should it happen to come my way.

So, when will it happen for me?  When will I finally meet someone again?

Who knows?  I look forward to it, but I don't care when.  For now, I am happy learning to love myself little by little.

Good eats, and only 220 calories.

Eating healthy has helped me get a lot more creative with food.  Flavors, textures, new ingredients  - great flavor doesn't have to be bad for you!  Experimentation is exciting and, so far, pretty rewarding.  Here's my latest concoction.

Without the appetizer, the entire meal is only 220 calories.  If you feel like gettin' crazy and adding the appetizer, the entire deal is still only 399 calories!  Serves four, by the way.

Le Bonne Vie tomato basil goat
cheese & "Everything" Pretzel Crisps .

Appetizer:

1oz Le Bonne Vie tomato & basil goat cheese (1/4 of a small log)

11 Everything Pretzel Crisps

Dinner Ingredients:

1 spaghetti squash

1 can Red Gold petite diced tomatoes

5 cloves garlic 

1/2 a medium sized onion (about 3" diameter)

1 green pepper

1 tomato

2 Bruce Aidells artichoke & garlic sausages

1 small box (about 8oz) of mushrooms

2 tsp herbs de province

2 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp oregano

healthy sprinkling of pepper & dash of sea salt (to your liking)

Preparation:

Chop up your veggies.  I left mine in big chunks this time.  I love it when garlic isn't finely chopped!  You don't have to use a fresh tomato, but I really like big pieces of fresh vegetables mixed in.

Cut the squash in half, take out the seeds, and lay it flat (skin side up) on a plate. Not a bad idea to throw a bit of water into it before you flip it over and lay it down - makes it moist.  

Cut the sausages into about 1cm thick slices and cook for a couple of minutes on each side with the chopped onion in a large sauce pan.  

Now, get the squash cookin'!  Microwave it for 12 minutes.  If you can run a fork through it like a comb, scoop it out into a bowl and have a bite to see if you're happy with the texture.  I'd prefer mine to be a hair crunchy rather than mushy.  If it's mushy, it loses it's awesome spaghetti-ness.  

Stir your canned tomato, real tomato, mushrooms, garlic, green pepper, and spices into the sauce pan and cook until veggies are partly done.  Take the lid off for the rest of the time and let simmer so that some of the water evaporates the sauce gets thicker.  I'm sure there are technical terms for these things, I just know that it tastes better when it's less liquidy!

Serve it up, and enjoy!

Nutrition info:

Calories - 220

Carbs - 26

Fat - 8

Protein - 14

Fiber - 7

Sodium - 680, not including sea salt

Click here for cheese nutrition info, and here for pretzels.


Nov. 11, 2011 - NOTE!  Spaghetti squash definitely turns out better if you bake it.  Cut it in half and put it skin-side-up on a baking pan and into the oven.  It's fine in the microwave, but if you've got the time, bake it for an hour or so at 350.  You can even do it in advance & leave it in the skin, then scrape out & warm when you're ready to eat it!  The texture's better.  

I. Love. Clothes.

Shopping in Chicago before Christmas, 2004.

I really do love clothes.  Even during my during my misguided phases of poor clothing choices, my love of shopping and clothing has remained steadfast.  I’ve joked many a time in the past that maybe I was meant to be overweight, because if I were skinny, I’d be in serious shopping trouble.  Funnily enough, losing weight has curbed my shopping appetite.  Somewhat.  

Actually, after typing that last sentence, I came to a bit of a realization.  It would seem that my shopping habits have changed quite similarly to my eating habits.  I don’t need to buy whatever I can because it’s all that’s available to me.  Now, I have more options.  Better options! 

I assumed, pre-weightloss, that I’d go hog wild with all the clothing that would be available to me.  Turns out, just the opposite is true.  I think I shopped before with a kind of frenzy, thinking, “I’ve got to get this, because what else can I get?!?!”  Now if I see something I like, that urgency has dissipated greatly because it’s so much easier to find even more things I like. 

The ability to be choosey is much more satisfying than buying a bunch of things simply because I can.

If I could splurge, though, I would.   I’m going to visit my brothers in Chicago this weekend, and you bet your bum I’ll be doing some shopping!  I love the Forever 21 plus size line, so I visit the website often, then hit up the store when I’m in Chicago.  Especially at the rate I shrink out of things these days, I love how trendy-but-non-committal Forever 21 allows me to be.  I won’t be broken-hearted if I spend under $20 on something cool that just lasts me this winter.  I’m pretty fickle when it comes to clothes anyway.  The likelihood of me wearing something a few years in a row is pretty slim.

Here’s a bit of a Pinterest wishlist for this fall, and down below are a few of my favorites from ASOS Curve right now.  What are some of your must-have fall items?  Are you a scarf and jacket addict like me, or what floats your boat?  Comment!  And if you’ve got something awesome to share, you’d better have a link so the rest of us can gawk, too.

   

  

70 Pounds - Gone to the Fishes.

I was hoping that I might hit 70 pounds when I weighed myself this week, but I wasn't planning on it.  I had 2 pounds to go, and couldn't tell if I'd hit my next 10lb benchmark.  Sure enough, I lost 3.2 pounds, which puts me at a total of 71.1 total pounds lost since mid-March.  I'm only 19 pounds away from losing 30 by the time I turn 30 on December 19th!  The funny thing is, I wasn't all that excited about it.  My reaction was more, "Ahhh, yes!  Good.  Now on to 80."  I hadn't thought about a reward of any kind.

The first time I purposely rewarded myself for my weight loss, I’d planned on getting sushi on the way home from church.  But just as I thought it, I was about to pass the Kalamazoo County Fairground and remembered the record & cd expo was happening right that very afternoon.  Sushi smushi – records win every time.  So, I ended up spending quite a bit more than I would have on sushi, but I celebrated in good company.

Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Little Anthony and the Imperials, The Left Banke and more…  It was like Thanksgiving dinner – my ears’ tastebuds were beyond satisfied, bellies full and ready to take a nap while being sung to sleep by Nat King Cole’s “Stardust.” 

Funnily enough, the first thing I thought
when I saw this photo was, "OH MY GOSH -
my wrist and arm look NORMAL!"

This time, however, my belly was literally stuffed (but not too much) with tuna, yellowtail, salmon, and other lovely little bits of cucumber, avocado, cream cheese and asparagus.  With a healthy dose of wasabi, of course.

After treating myself to the records when I hit 40 pounds, I decided that it was much more satisfying rewarding myself with non-edible things.  But, my “Faux Aunt” Peggy texted me Monday and asked if I wanted to get sushi. 

Yes.  Yes I would.  And I did.  And it was delicious and wonderful. 

I guess, of all the edible things you could splurge on, sushi isn’t the guiltiest of pleasures.  Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself…  But, it was fun hanging out with Peggy and having this well-deserved treat.  And, hey – if I can’t reward my progress with a treat after breaking the 70 pounds mark, when will I?  It was one of those times where I had to lighten up, stop overthinking things, and enjoy.

The funny thing is, the next day I woke up and felt different.  I felt lighter, actually.  SO, I weighed myself and I really was lighter.  Two pounds lighter.  It doesn’t count, though – not until my official weekly weigh in on Monday morning. 

The point is, the world does not end because you treat yourself every once in a while.  And I needed some delicious fish and that extra little weigh in on Tuesday morning to remind me of this. 

So, here are some photos to celebrate me having moved on from the hippies, and being forced into disco.  I’ve got leg warmers, spandex and neon headed my way soon…  Just you wait.  

My new size 16 jacket from Mom!
Got it at Sears.  Sears'll surprise you...

Shirt from Old Navy
Already too big!

Size 18 Style & Co jeans from
Macy's. Also loose!

Little Victories and Black Eyes

There are little things I do all the time that I would've been too hesitant to do before losing weight.  Sometimes I realize while I'm deciding to do something I haven't done in a while.  Sometimes it's a happy surprise right while I'm in the midst of it.  And other times, I don't realize until afterwards.  Whichever it is, it's always satisfying.  Pushing yourself is rewarding.  You simply must try it.  

"Like what?" you might ask...

Well, Sunday afternoon it was playing on the playset in my parents' back yard like I was five years old again with my five year old cousin.  Up, down, all around.  In the fort, out of the fort.  On the swing, off the swing.  

And...  I got to introduce my little cousin to swinging upside-down.  That adorable little goober will never look at a swing set the same way again.  

I would have been way too timid to do it before.  But now?  What-ev.  It’s not that I was too scared to be upside-down, I just felt less in-control of my body and what might happen.  There was a whole lot of me to handle!  I have so much less self doubt, and so more much physical freedom.  

My little cousin and I ended up swinging, feet up in the air, so that each time we'd swing back, we were facing each other.  So, I said, "Helloooooo, sir!"  And then it went a bit like this...

Me: "Helloooooo, sirrr!"

...swing...

Him: "Hellooo!"

...swing...

Me:  "Mighty fine day we're having, yes?"

...swing...

Him:  "Yes! Are you having a good day?"

...swing..."

Me:  "Yes, indeeeed!"

...swing...

Him:  "Me, tooo!"

...swing...

Me:  "Perfect day for swinging upside-down don't you think?"

...swing...

Him:  "Yes!  Helloooooooo!"

It.  Was.  GREAT!!!  Oh, man, do I ever love kids.  And upside down silliness.  

In all my grand, childish bliss, I did manage to forget how all the blood rushing to my face for - ehhhh, quite a while, could result in blackish eyes and a handful of small blood vessels breaking in my face.  Oh well - well-earned battle scars from my latest little victory!

And her heart grew three sizes that night…

Me, pre-weighing-myself last Christmas,
with my own grinchin' reindeer-pup.

The more weight I lose, the more I learn about myself.  As it turns out, it may not always be something I want to learn about myself.  I have been trying to write about this all week, but I’m not very good at talking about matters of the heart.  Lately, there’s been a steady increase in the frequency of me feeling like I’m wearing a poorly made Santa costume with a little reindeer-pup looking on as my heart slowly expands. 

I have no problem with getting a little weepy every time I watch Sleepless in Seattle, after those darn Folgers commercials, or from a song that blindsides me…  I’ve heard Debussy’s Claire De Lune at least a hundred times, but it just came on and still managed to choke me up.

But the real things – the big things – they’re mine, all mine.  I’ve kept them all to myself in a somewhat precarious, secret tree fort surrounded by a surprisingly reliable wall made of flubber. 

I don’t like to be weak.  I don’t like to be vulnerable.  I do not like it when my heart is affected by things I cannot control.  I’m beginning to realize that my fat has proven to be a rather effective fortress.  This flubber fortress works similarly to the “premature failure” that I’ve mentioned before, but guards the things that could get hurt if I don’t prematurely fail effectively enough. 

It seems like the more I shrink, the more of me there is.  There’s less to hide behind.  Before long, I won’t have the fat to blame or hide behind anymore, and there will just be Sarah.  I have inadvertently suffocated parts of myself for far too long, and through some crack in this ridiculous wall I’ve put up, they’ve gotten just enough air to try to break out.  My heart is softening.   It’s wonderful, but it’s also scary.  Fixing my exterior really is just bringing to light the interior problems at the root of it all. 

I stopped by my parents earlier in the week, and my Grandma had sent me a note saying how she is proud of me and my progress.  My dad and I talked for a moment afterwards, and he said how scary it is for a parent worrying they might outlive their child, both figuratively and literally, and that my whole being really had changed.

He’s right.  My whole being is changing, and I’m experiencing some growing pains, but it’s worth it.  

30 by 30 - Quick Update

In case you haven't read, I set myself a new goal of losing 30 pounds by the time I turn 30 on December 19th.

I really hate it every time I type the words "...I turn 30..."  Bleh.

I really don't hate that I lost 2.6 pounds this week and I have 23.7 pounds more to go before I hit my 30 pound goal.  That means I've got to lose two pounds a week to hit this goal.  And it also means I have to do it the week of Thanksgiving.  

I think I can, I think I can...

Actually, I know I can.  And I'm looking forward to the satisfaction of knowing that I enjoyed myself over the holidays this year without going overboard.  

I'm not really sure how to close this one out seeing as it's just a quick here's-what's-up post, sooo...  Have a good day, or listen to this song because it's making me really happy today, or something.  There you go.

Zucchini Bread, and Doughnuts, and Piggies - oh my.

So, there are just some things that scream "fall."  Trips to orchards, corn mazes, pumpkins, squash, cider mills, Mom's baking...

We're getting closer and closer to the times of year that are by far the easiest to justify guilty pleasures.  While I am not going to deprive myself completely of these yummy things, I am going to challenge myself to say no.  Just because it's there, doesn't mean I'm obligated to imbibe.  It just so happens that while cleaning today, my butternut squash reminded me of how far I've come.

On that note, this week, I did partake in a few things...  But, don't worry - all things in moderation, friends.  I had some of my mom's Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread, a few beers out with my roommate, some movie popcorn, and...   Ohhhh, only one of the greatest things you can get in southwest Michigan after September: pumpkin doughnuts from Gull Meadow Farms.  I'm not an avid doughnut fan, but those are just magical.


While I was a good girl other than that this week, I still know what eating those foods does to me.  I learned a lot about myself and how food affects me this summer.  The week of the 4th of July, I didn't eat as healthy as usual, but I did stay within my daily goals.  With exercising every day, I just managed to maintain my weight.

So, again - moderation.

Apparently, though, I lack emotional moderation while holding little, adorable, pet piggies named Penelope.  Thanks to the roomie for catching me during a few (not so) rare moments of ridiculousness.

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Sweaty Beats II

Caity and I are back this month with a bunch of amazableness to treat your ears while inflicting some pain on your fluff.  I'm pretty sure both of our lists will make you go "RARRRR!" at some point.  I just did it while posting this.  And I'm at work.

I think Caity might win this time because she picked Benny Goodman.  How can you go wrong with classic swing?!  Mine's pretty awesome, though...  Actually, both lists are pretty darn awesome.  Aaaanyway...

Here are our top 10 picks to work out to for the month!  Be sure to mention your favorites down below!

Sarah's top picks...  Listen here!
Fatboy Slim - Right Here, Right Now
Death In Vegas - Hands Around My Throat
De La Soul - Three Is The Magic Number
Ratatat - Seventeen Years
Foster The People - Helena Beat
Ladytron - White Elephants
St. Vincent - Northern Lights
Interpol - PDA
The Jam - Start!
Devo - Uncontrollable Urge
The Damned - New Rose

Yes, that's 11, but I couldn't decide which one to let go of and it's my blog, so...  Go right ahead and picture me sticking my tongue out at you, because that's what I'm doing in my mind.


Caity's top picks...  Listen here!
Spoon - I Turn My Camera On
The White Stripes - My Doorbell
The Proclaimers - 500 miles
Devo - Girl U Want
The Misunderstood - Children of The Sun
Led Zeppelin - When The Levee Breaks
Blondie - One Way or Another
The Kinks - You Really Got Me
Benny Goodman - Sing Sing Sing (With A Swing)
Razorlight - In The Morning


Enjoy!

30 by 30

Today is precisely three months before the most daunting birthday of my lifetime so far.  While I am often happily mistaken for being 24-25 years old, and although I still seem to think I am and function thusly, I am not.  I am 29, and I am exactly three months from turning the dreaded, big THREE-OH. 

Oh, oh, no…

I absolutely cannot believe that I, Sarah Bauman, am merely months away from being an age that begins with a three. Other than somehow reverting to toddler-dom...  

But, y’know what? 

The only photo I can find of me DJing.  He  said, "It's cooler not to
smile," which made me smile. Not everyone's as cool as you, Graham...

I am starting to understand why so many people say your 30’s are so much better than your 20’s.  When I look back with my rosey-fuzzy-wuzzy-yay-I’m-young goggles on, I see how my early 20’s started off with a bang.  I was living in England, going to school, DJing, working with my awesome friends at a  great music venue, living life with a kind of starry-eyed zeal that, I suppose, should be expected of a young 20-something living out her dream abroad.  I often look back on it so fondly that I forget about the depression that set in during my 2^nd year there. 

There was a tragedy that took my roommate at the time back to the US for quite a while.  For some reason, being home alone so much seemed to fuel my downward mental spiral, despite my best efforts to stay insanely busy and happily distracted.  Parts of my life were outstanding, but others began crumbling.  In my dense haze of depression, I made some mistakes.  There were things out of my control that landed me back in the USA, and my mistakes made that possible.

And that's when things really got bad.

If I take off those rosey-fuzzy-wuzzy-yay-I'm-young goggles and look back at 24, I see a sad, miserable, stagnant person who was deeply discouraged about losing her dream and ending up back in a place she had no desire to be, doing things she had no desire to do, allowing herself to be consumed by her unhealthy, destructive mind.  My confidence had been annihilated.  I was defined by my failure and did not believe I would ever be capable of not-failing.   

And what of this Sarah who is drawing ever nearer the infamous three-oh? 

I battle daily with this little demon called “premature failure.”  I keep myself from doing things by rationalizing the impossibility of my success, so that I don’t have to deal with inevitable failure.  You can see the Catch 22 in this, I’m sure…  The exciting part is, I know this now, and I’m working on it.  This blog is evidence of me making conscious decisions to do something, despite my own self doubt. 

I really am a late bloomer who is coming into her own as a nearly-thirty-something.  So why not have a super sweet goal to make turning 30 even better?

Last Monday, I decided to set myself a goal of losing 30 pounds by the time I turn 30, which is exactly three months from today.  So, let's make it official.  It’s 10 pounds a month, which will be a challenge, but I know I’m up for it. 

Huzzah! 

I’m a little grossed out that this post reads a bit too much like a diary, but I’ve got to tell you – I find myself oozing joy from writing this.  It’s exciting when the future is more exciting than daunting.  It’s about 53% exciting and 47% daunting, but exciting’s still on the winning end.

Wish me luck, and I’ll keep you all updated on my progress.

Little Victories

I now understand why laptops got their name.  You can use them on... your... lap.  Remarkable!  

Whatever, No-hands Smug-face...
I can do it now, too.

After my weekly workout date with my dear friend, Lindsey, I wanted to look something up, so I grabbed my laptop, set it on my lap, and googled, or imdb-ed, or whatever-ed away.  I remember being elated a few months ago after realizing I could finally use my laptop on my lap.  When I mentioned this to her, she said, "Hmm, I never would've though of that..."  If you find yourself puzzled by this also, well, let me explain it simply for you: my tummy wanted my lap all to itself and wouldn't allow me to use laptops in their intended state.  I'd either use it at a table, or with some creative rigging to use it in the general lap-type area.  Come to think of it, there are a lot of creative/rigging type things I've done in the past due to my body interfering...

But now?  Ha!  Laptop!

I bet this means the next time I fly I won't have to try and make it appear as though the tray in front of me is comfortably in its resting position when it is, in fact, actually balancing on my belly...

I can not wait until I finally get to test that one out.